06. Playaday: Theoretical Dog

Prompt #49    In flat country, “if your dog runs away, you can watch him for 3 days.” What’s the Vt equivalent?

CHARACTERS

FLATLANDER

VERMONTER

SETTING

A bar.

FLATLANDER

Where I come from, if your dog runs away, you can watch him for three days. What’s your claim to fame?

VERMONTER
Why would your dog run away?

FLATLANDER

I don’t know. Maybe he’s chasing something.

VERMONTER

If my dog ran away, I’d just call her, and she’d come. ‘Course if she was after a squirrel, it might take her awhile. But sooner or later, she’d get stopped by a river or something.

FLATLANDER

But the point is, what would be your equivalent, here in these hills? What can you boast about to a flatlander like me?

VERMONTER

Well, first off, I wouldn’t call you a flatlander. Pretty sure that’s what you folks call yourselves when you move up here.

FLATLANDER

What do you call us?

VERMONTER

Perhaps you don’t want to know. (Thoughtful silence.) But generally, we call you people from away. That’s all. 

FLATLANDER

You don’t like us, do you?

VERMONTER

Well, I don’t know. It all depends. We don’t like some of ourselves either.

FLATLANDER

That’s reassuring. But back to the original question.

VERMONT

All right then. Let’s see here. But first off, if your dog ran away, why would you watch him for three days? Why wouldn’t you just get in your truck and go get him? 

FLATLANDER

My dog wouldn’t run away. I don’t even have a dog. This is theoretical. I’m just curious about what’s the equivalent in the mountains.

VERMONT

There isn’t one, I guess. We keep our dogs pretty close to home.

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