CERTAIN QUESTIONS ANSWERED: a Found Poem

CERTAIN QUESTIONS ANSWERED

 

When a gentleman should wear

his hat and when to take it off.

 

If she should thank a gentleman

for paying for her on an excursion.

 

If she could with propriety

buy the tickets and take a young gentleman.

 

If she should take a gentleman’s hat

and coat when he calls.

 

If she should introduce

a gentleman who calls to her mother.

 

How to allow a gentleman a proper

degree of intimacy without allowing him

 

to think himself too much a favorite.

In our new country, the relations

of men and women are necessarily simple.

 

 

(I especially like the “gentleman who calls to her mother”)

~found in Manners and Social Usages,  by Mrs. John Sherwood (author of “A Transplanted Rose”)

1884, revised in 1897

MANNERS FOR GENTLEMEN

MANNERS FOR GENTLEMEN

A gentleman should never question a lady’s poems.

~Ray Hudson

 

A gentleman always pours wine for a lady

so that the fire under her skin

will not set the alcohol ablaze.

 

A gentleman always precedes a lady into a crowd

to shield the innocent

from the power of her gaze.

 

A gentleman always seizes his hatbrim when a lady passes

so that the whirlwind that follows her

will not carry it off into the street.

 

A gentleman always opens a door for a lady

so that she may have her sword arm free

to vanquish the villans lurking behind.

(This is also why he carries her packages.)

 

A gentleman always walks on the streetside of a lady

so that she may, with a white-gloved finger,

tap into place any loose bricks

in the foundations of civilization.

 

A gentlemen always follows a lady into a carriage

so that he will not be in the way

if she must stun the driver, seize the reins,

and gallop resolutely toward the invading hordes.

 

 

ATLANTA REVIEW, fall 2008

FAVORITE FIGURES OF THE GERMAN: A Found Poem

 

The “German” is the most fashionable
dance in society.  It is a part
of the business of Life.

Some of the figures border on the romp.
One of these is called LaCorde.
This is a figure not to be commended.
Still less is the figure called Les Masques.

Les Bouquets brings in the favors.
A number of small bouquets and boutonnieres
are placed upon a table.
Other favors are frequently substituted:
rosettes, miniature flags, artificial
butterflies, badges, sashes, bonbons,
little bells, scarf-pins, bangles, fans,
caps, imitation antique coins,
breastpins, lace pins, lockets, shawls,
scarfs, vases, picture frames,
writing-desks and chairs.

No lady can refuse to dance.
So long as she remains
within the charmed circle

she must dance
with everyone in it.

~Found in Manners and Social Usages,
by Mrs. John Sherwood (author of “A Transplanted Rose”)
1884, revised in 1897

 

I can’t help but imagine a lady dancing with a writing desk. . . .

NO ONE LOOKS RIDICULOUS DANCING A QUADRILLE: a found poem

A sort of galop is allowed
in the rapid figures.

The young, old, stout, thin, lazy, active,
maimed or single, without loss of caste,

can dance a quadrille.  It makes
a break in a tete-a-tete conversation,

and enables a gentleman to be polite
to a lady who may not be a good dancer

for waltz or polka.  A defiant manner
assumed by a bashful man is out

of place, although there are certain
figures which make a man feel

rather defiant.  One of these
is where he is obliged as cavalier seul

to advance to three ladies
who frequently laugh at him.
 

~found in Manners and Social Usages,
by Mrs. John Sherwood (author of “A Transplanted Rose”)
1884, revised in 1897

ETIQUETTE FOR ELDERLY GIRLS: a found poem

Calm and cold Puritanical people
may not be more respectable
than the fresh-colored and laughing “old maids”
of thirty-five, but they look more so,
and in this world, women must consult
appearances.

An elderly girl must even
think how she looks.
She has, with the assumption of years,
replaced the wild grace of a giddy girlhood
with a dignity which, in its way, is fully
the compensation for some lost bloom.
Many people prefer it.

“An old maid,” may do almost anything
without violating etiquette.
As to visiting an artist’s studio alone,
there is in art itself
an ennobling and purifying
influence which should be a protection.

Observation in regard to old maids:
many of our “girl bachelors” live together,
and are very happy, useful women

found in Manners and Social Usages,
by Mrs. John Sherwood (author of “A Transplanted Rose”)
1884, revised in 1897
This is my favorite of Mrs. John Sherwood’s observations.

 

And here is an exerpt from A Transplanted Rose, which may be downloaded and read by the brave:  ..

” Indeed, Rose, I fear there are many important facts you do not know yet Mr. Mortimer has been South. ” The angry flush on her cheek did not die away, and the slight curl in Arthur Araberley’s lip perhaps deepened it. Mrs. Trevylyan hastened to the rescue by asking if Mr. Mortimer’s health was better. ” No ; he still has his dyspepsia ; cannot eat anything. I tell him that he is too devoted to money -making; he ought to leave business. He says if he does he shall die ; that he is not aware of anything that interests him but the price of stocks, and what he calls combinations. ” ” His absence put down the price of ‘ Blank-paper Tun- nel ‘ and ‘ Red Riff Consolidated, ‘ ” said Amberley. “How does your play progress?” asked Mrs. Mortimer, rather stiffly, not noticing this last remark. ” If all did as well as Miss Chadwick, it would go ad- mirably. Dicky Small weed and Miss Devine cannot, will not, learn their parts, however, ” said Amberley.